WHO WILL BE THE NEXT IBRAHIM MAGU?

On Monday, July 6 2020, Ibrahim Magu woke up, took his bath, knotted one of his many fancy ties and dressed up in his usual sleek suit and set out on the streets of Abuja, the capital city of Nigeria. If anyone had told him as he was leaving home that morning that somebody born of a woman would have the audacity to block his convoy and order him to change his direction, I am almost certain that Ibrahim Magu would have laughed in the person's face and probably told the person that he was drinking a very bad variant of 'ogogoro'.

When Magu woke up that Monday, he was one of the most powerful men in Nigeria. Everyone, big or small, trembled at the mention of his name. He could order the arrest of anyone, detain anyone and using the enormous instruments under his control, send anyone to jail. After all, he was the Czar of President Buhari's anti-corruption fight, the fulcrum of Buhari's presidency.

Ibrahim Magu was powerful, so powerful. The Nigerian senate which has the constitutional powers to confirm or reject his appointment as Chairman of EFCC, twice refused to confirm him but it did not matter. Magu became bigger than the constitution and for five years, based on some twisted logic, bestrode the nation as "Acting Chairman" of the EFCC!

On July 6, in a commando style, Ibrahim Magu was waylaid on his way from the EFCC Formella Street office in Abuja, and forced to go to Aso Rock Villa, not to pally with the President, but to face a previously unknown presidential panel set up to investigate Magu's tenure and an alleged massive 'magu-magu' at the EFCC. They say, "wonders shall never end!". The evidence is there that in a twist of fate, Magu, the hunter, became the hunted.

Magu who is reported to live in luxury in a house rented in the incredible sum of N40m and furnished with N43m is said to have spent the night of his arrest sleeping on bare chairs at the Louis Edet Police Headquarters in Abuja.  

In the morning of July 6, Magu was a powerful man. In the evening, he was a powerless man. Those who gave Magu the power had taken it!

I have never met Ibrahim Magu. He is not my friend but as a Nigerian interested in the vicissitudes of our nation, I have followed the trajectory of his career.

The way the Magu matter is being handled troubles me. You do not need to be super brilliant to notice that in the matter, we appear to be working from the answer to the question. The way he was grabbed on the streets of Abuja like a convicted felon on the run is troubling. The fact that a hitherto unknown panel was specially set up for him at Aso Rock Villa despite the many investigative agencies in Nigeria, is troubling. The reported treatment of his lawyers is troubling.

When I saw the many unverified allegations against Magu being circulated by the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), I was deeply worried. The News Agency of Nigeria owned by the Federal Government is not known to dwell in gossip or speculations. It has been a serious news organization. When NAN began to publish unproven facts against Magu, I did not need to be told that someone in government with a lot of leverage is determined to convict Magu without trial.

I know that there are many who would say, "God don catch am" and maybe they are right. I have no evidence that he has not done some or all of what he has been accused of. It is in the same way that I will not argue that his excesses may not have caught up with him but at some point, Nigeria will have to bring jungle justice to an end if we truly want to make progress. I am a man who believes that what distinguishes a great nation from a banana republic is the fair use of the law on everyone. As the English philosopher and physician, John Locke, did say, "the end of law is not to abolish or restrain, but to preserve and enlarge freedom".

Subject Magu to an open and fair process and let the chips fall where they may.

I am frightened that in Nigeria, we have become a nation of hunters. Everybody is haunting everybody. If you have a gun today, you use it to hunt your neighbour. That is why my young colleagues have had enough of FSARS and are protesting on the streets. Almost every serving governor is hunting his predecessor. Every local government chairman is hunting the guy who served before him and in the process, we twist the law as it pleases us or create new laws on the fly.

Today, Ibrahim Magu who used to own Nigeria cannot drive around in his usual large convoy. I am almost sure that the many policemen that tagged along and gave him protection would have been withdrawn. To all intents and purposes, the emperor has become naked. That should teach all of us a lesson that none of us will wield power forever.  None of us is God.

Which leaves me with the question: who will be the next Ibrahim Magu?

See you next week.

WHEN GOD WON IN EDO STATE!

At the beginning of June 2020, Adams Oshiomhole was one of the most powerful political players in the land. The former governor of Edo State and former President of the Nigerian Labour Congress wielded power with no apologies to anyone. Upon his election as Chairman of the ruling APC, Oshiomhole was reported to have warned a minister of the Federal Republic that if President Buhari would tolerate the minister's indiscretion, he, Adams Oshiomhole would not take the nonsense.  For most people in the APC, the fear of Oshiomhole was the beginning of wisdom.

Uche Nwosu, son-in-law of former governor of Imo State, Rochas Okorocha, will not forget Adams Oshiomhole in a hurry. Together, they danced and made merry at Dan Anyiam Stadium in Owerri when Oshiomhole visited Imo State. Nwosu was the crown prince of the Okorocha dynasty, waiting to take over as Governor of Imo State. When push came to shove, Oshiomhole out flanked him, pulled the carpet under his feet and the rest, as they say, is history.

Adams coordinated the plot that brought Buhari back as President at a time when Atiku Abubakar was seriously flexing his muscles. On every APC campaign stage across Nigeria, Oshiomhole, not the tallest of men, jumped higher than everyone else and spoke louder than everyone else.

In the normal order of things, Adams Oshiomhole, National Chairman of APC would never have considered Stephen Oshawo, Chairman of the APC Etsako Ward 10 in Edo State as a powerful man. But when it was time to cut Adams Oshiomhole to size, the real powers that be did not go to the Supreme Court, they went to Oshiomhole's ward and got his ward Chairman to suspend him.

In the normal order of things, if Adams Oshiomhole was looking behind for who would pull the carpet off his feet, he may have worried about the APC Deputy Chairmen or the Vice Chairman. I doubt that it would have occurred to him that it would be Victor Giadom, an Assistant Secretary of his party that would be used to mess him up so badly.

In the normal order of things, Adams Oshiomhole, the sharp player on the political chess board would never have envisioned that the rules enshrined in the APC constitution would be so badly thrown to the dogs and that an APC National Executive Council Meeting would be held with two days notice at the Aso Rock Villa at the instance of the said Assistant Secretary and the very powerful Adams Oshiomhole would be so emasculated in the public glare. Today, there is no normal order of things in Nigeria. Those who gave Oshiomhole the power, have taken it.

As you read this, Oshiomhole's once political godson, Godwin Obaseki, has just given Adams a deadly blow. In last Saturday's election, the result of which was celebrated by Nigerians across the board, Obaseki showed Oshiomhole the difference between "I am" and "I was".

Adams Oshiomhole, the proud man that he is may give the public the impression that what happened last Saturday was one of those things. No sir! It was not one of those things. It was a titanic event from which all of us must learn a lesson.

Officially, last Saturday's election in Edo State was between Godwin Obaseki and Osagie Ize Iyamu To most Nigerians, the contest in Edo was not between Governor Obaseki and Pastor Ize Iyamu. From one angle, it was between Obaseki and Oshiomhole. From another angle, it was between the people of Nigeria and the 'cabal'!

Adams Oshiomhole was not made by his recent convoy of SUVs or his mighty house or his fraternization with Aso Rock or his beautiful wife. Oshiomhole made his name in Nigeria because he was seen as a 'people's man', a relentless fighter for the people against the anti-people cabal. Without that, I doubt that he would have been governor or chairman.

See where we are now. Nigerians are in big trouble. As the NLC flexes its muscle over the irrational increase in fuel and electricity price at a time many Nigerians have been humbled by the coronavirus epidemic, where is our guy, Adams Oshiomhole?  

Can you imagine what would have happened if Dr. Martin Luther King Jnr was said to have joined the Republican party in the US? Nigerians danced on Sunday because there was this sense that God won for them in Edo State against their traducers.

Does Adams know that things have changed? Has he warned his driver to make sure he does not drive on the wrong side of the road or run a traffic light in Benin City? Things are no longer the same and the great Adams Oshiomhole who used to be the emperor of Benin City may now be arrested for a simple traffic offence in Benin.

What has happened here can happen to any of us whether in the church, the mosque, the market group, a social club, a professional association or even in the family setting. Power is ephemeral and transient. It can disappear in a twinkle of an eye.

In my time, I have met a lot of small men intoxicated by power. They think that the power they wield belongs to them without realizing that the power belongs to the office they occupy, the uniform they wear or the chair they sit on. Many understand power to mean the ability to punish or subjugate others rather than the ability to uplift and put a smile on the faces of as many of God's children as possible. Must we wait for the 'cabal' to be done with us before we understand the vanity of power?

See you next week.

I HAVE SEEN TREACHERY IN EVERY COLOUR

May the Almighty be praised. I am an unbelievably lucky guy and I thank the Almighty for the incredible protection He has given me in many trying circumstances and under conditions that would have broken many men. For a guy who does not go to church as often as he should, it is in every way a miracle!

Believe me, I have repeatedly seen the treachery and betrayal of men and how they rationalize their duplicity and all the nonsense they do. When a guy you thought was your guy begins to manufacture a dispute between the two of you when there is really nothing to quarrel about, your antenna should go up. Nine times out of ten, your guy is fabricating a justification for treachery which he is hatching and which will soon manifest. Then the guy you used to eat and drink with will tell everybody how horrible you really are and why he must perch somewhere else. It is all cock and bull! He has found a new chopping center.

The average human being is selfish and is out for where he thinks his bread is buttered, and a good number of such people live in our part of the world. Do not be surprised to find out that the person who has behaved like he would go to the grave with you is in fact praying that you should die quick so that he can grab everything that belongs to you. All the while, your guy has only been using you as his ladder. If he gets to wherever he has been climbing to or finds a better ladder, he will create a scene and dump you like rotten ewedu soup.

I have learnt to be weary of praise singers. If a guy begins to tell me that I am the best thing he has seen since man discovered sliced bread, my antenna goes up! I know that I am a mortal being and no mortal being is perfect. The guy is setting me up for the kill. Have you ever got any telephone call from a guy you do not know from Adam who begins by sweet talking you and telling you how the two of you met at an event you never went to? From there, he will tell you about the huge demand for a special stone in some place that only he knows and which you can obtain and be rich or an NNPC contract that he wants to execute with you as his partner.  

I have seen betrayal upon betrayal and evil men in every colour. I seriously have to restrain myself from believing that there is no good man in the world anymore and there is no reason to do good to anyone. Fortunately, there are still good men left and there is good reason to do good to people. If I cannot do good to people, then the Almighty should take my life. It is a waste.

In my work, I hear all kinds of things. I have written before that there are people who complain that I am 'Executive Chairman' at COSON. Let me repeat that when everyone else leaves the boardroom, I stay back to intensely review with management the decisions made by the board and determine how to give them feet to walk and wings to fly. I simply do not believe in talk without action.

I do not consider my position as Chairman to be to sit and beautify a chair or to wear 'agbada' at big occasions and make meaningless speeches. I am the team leader. My job is to make sure that work is going on and we are executing to the benefit of our members and affiliates. I am the general in front of the army and not behind. I do not ask others to work while I drink pepper soup. I dirty my hands and get the work done.

Take it from me: most people do not say what they mean. You have to read their lips. I have had to learn to understand what people mean and not what they say. They will in one breath tell you that Okoroji is "Executive Chairman" and is doing everything himself. Next minute, the same people will tell you that Okoroji did not do anything, "we are the ones who did all the work"! It does not matter. Let the work be done!

I have always asked the Almighty to give me an opportunity to give. I have written in this column before that if had become a janitor or a security man, I would have dedicated myself as much as I have dedicated my life to being Chairman of COSON.

Last year at Lagos Sheraton Hotel, I stepped down as a Director and Chairman of the COSON Board. My term was up and as a rule, I have never stayed in any position one day longer than the statute allows. Despite a full auditorium of COSON members from practically every state in Nigeria at Lagos Sheraton, no one stepped up to take the position. In conformity with our rules, I was re-elected. In this land full of treachery?

That day it struck me that while there is a lot of evil in the world, there are still good men left and that there is good enough reason to do good to as many people as possible. May the Almighty be praised. Thank you my COSON members.

See you next week.

WHEN HALF BREAD IS BETTER THAN NONE (2)

It was April 2020. Life as we knew it had suddenly changed remarkably. The streets were completely empty. Lagos was on lockdown.

I could not sleep the night before. I rolled over and over thinking of what had happened to me in the last two days of the Coronavirus lock down in Lagos. In the middle of the night, I asked myself: what use really is my life and the position that I occupy if I cannot do anything to change the situation positively for anyone?

Stuck at home the day before, I had received a phone call from a well-known musician and member of COSON, the organization whose Board I chair. His wife joined him on the phone. They told me that they had been drinking garri for days and managing that way. The big problem was that they had run out of garri. There was none to drink anymore! They begged me to send them three thousand naira to buy some more garri.

As highly technology driven as I am, I have refused to have Internet banking facilities on my phone. The reason is simple: too many people have my number and I get too many requests for money every other hour. I am not a Dangote, an Otedola or an Elumelu. I am not a Larry Izamoje who has a printing press. I run a small business which manages to put food on the table for me and my family. I however have another job that gives me no salary, no housing allowance, no medical allowance, no leave allowance, one official car that was breaking down everywhere and many-many court cases, bad press and countless hours of work.

The incredibly surprising thing is that many people scheme and plot to take over my job as the leader of an organization that gets zero funding from any government whether federal, state or local. I very well know that their belief is that something must be happening under the table. In Nigeria, you are supposed to be an imbecile for having a job and not cooking something under the table. I am a good cook but I will rather be an imbecile than be a thief. I do not have the talent to take that which does not belong to me and I have begged the Almighty not to bestow on me such a tatlent. As my brother and friend, Ugo Stevenson otherwise known as "Ndaa Chineke" would say, "there is no successful criminal". I verily believe that ultimately, everyone pays a price for everything we do. I do not steal because I do not want to pay a huge price because I verily believe in the law of Karma. One of my favorite quotes comes from the immortal Dr Martin Luther King Jr, "The arc of the moral universe is long but it tends toward justice"

How much can three thousand naira do for anyone? I started calling round to find someone able to transfer some money on my behalf to my colleague so that he and his wife do not starve. It was more difficult than I had thought because everyone wanted to warehouse whatever they had but I finally found someone who sent five thousand naira to him and his wife. When they called me back, you would think that I had just sent them a million naira!

Not long after, I got a call from another COSON colleague who told me that he was dead broke and that he could manage but did not know what to do about his young son who was just a few months old. I reminded him that I do not do Internet banking and could not transfer any money to him. Despite the fact that this guy lives more than five kilometers from me, he told me he was prepared to come to my residence to get anything to save his child.  I told him not to forget that there was no transportation on the streets and he assured me that he was prepared to trek. 

Trek he did. Luckily, my daughter had made some soup the day before. My guy who was practically gasping for breath ate some eba and drank some ice-cold beer and came back to life. How much did he get from me? Just five thousand naira but he was so grateful, you would think I just saved his life. After some banter, he began his five-kilometer trek in the hot sun back home and called after a few hours to thank me profusely.

Then, I got an angry phone call from a COSON member in Benin City who was completely agitated by the lack of any real support from the government for the citizens who are suffering beyond belief. He asked me if I knew that no musician in Nigeria was earning any income as there was no entertainment activity going on in the country. He asked me why COSON could do anything for the members. I reminded him that COSON accounts in two banks are frozen and we could not access the funds. He sounded more and more angry and said that he was going to rally musicians to petition the President and the Vice President and everyone else so that the accounts are re-opened immediately. I was not sure he understood.

Rolling on my bed that night, it became clear to me that my life was no use if I am not prepared to do something about the glaring anguish of my constituents across the nation. As soon as it was daylight, I called a senior member of the COSON management and asked for a statement showing everywhere that COSON had accessible funds. In a few hours the information came. Then I called back to say that I am thinking of asking members of the Board to approve practically all the money we could find to be distributed to COSON members across the country who were going through unimaginable trial. She gave me a hundred reasons why what I was suggesting was simply impossible and that the logistics at a time when the banks were rendering skeletal services were not possible to execute. She suggested that we should think about it after the lock down. After the lock down? I hung up the phone on her.

I called my driver, Abey, one of the greatest Nigerians I have ever known. I told him that as much as I respect the lock down, we must hit the streets on a mission to save lives. I called several members of the COSON Board on the phone and told them why we must find a way to do something immediately despite the many challenges we face. The support was solid and it was decided that we schedule an emergency meeting on our digital platform to formalize the process.

Ultimately, we found out that by shifting our plans, we could actually send palliatives to the tune of 72.5 Million Naira to our members across the nation. I put so much pressure on our accounts officer at the bank called Seyi. Working on the phone, Seyi and his colleagues set up the digital platform that made it possible  for the COSON management team of Vincent Adawaisi, Isa Haruna and Tony Imusen to send a modest amount of money to COSON members across the country. The money was not much but it may have given members of COSON a chance to buy recharge cards, some drugs, some garri, a few cups of rice and possibly make some soup and have some hope.

When you are rich, you do not know what sixteen thousand naira means. My phone crashed from the endless calls from members of COSON across the country offering prayers to members of the COSON Board in every language spoken in the nation.

I thank my great team for understanding that when you are starving, half bread is better than none. At the end of the day, our lives mean nothing if we cannot use it to lift others.

See you next week.

WHO REALLY DOES BUHARI BELONG TO?

Many -many Nigerians were stunned during the week when another increase in the price of petroleum products was announced together with an almost hundred percent increase in the price of electricity. In the middle of a pandemic! This is a pandemic that has devasted the income of millions of Nigerians leaving many without any income at all. Where are the people supposed to get the money to pay these new prices? Terrible timing!

Everyday, I witness this peculiar economic fallacy at play. The thinking seems to be that the more money the government or the big corporations have, the better the life of Nigerians. So, the government goes ahead to squeeze and squeeze the people to the point of death so that life will be better for everyone!

Elsewhere, it is understood that what makes up a nation is the sum-total of the quality of the life of the citizens. To fight the effects of the pandemic, governments in other climes are raising funds to support their people in several ways with the understanding that a crushed people cannot work, cannot buy any goods and cannot support the growth of the nation's economy. In Nigeria, a different kind of economic model appears to reign.

When you have your personal pipe connected to the NDDC or NNPC or any of the many different agencies of government, it may be difficult for you to understand the anguish real Nigerians are going through. When you live in a good house provided by government and enjoy the perks of office on the bill of government what is happening in Nigeria may appear to you like Nollywood, a video show. It is then easy for you to issue a statement to justify what is not justifiable. My people say that when the corpse of a stranger is being carried along, it may appear just like a log of wood.

The fact that there are no protests on the streets may not be because Nigerians are comfortable with what is going on. The people are dazed, sapped, tired, and confused. What we have may be very dry wood. With a little spark… you know the rest.

"I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody". So declared the former army general on the day he was inaugurated as the democratically elected president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. To me, those words are the most memorable words ever spoken by Muhammadu Buhari. The words are his contract with the Nigerian people. They were expected to set up the moral compass for a presidency many hoped would attack the lack of moral compass in the way Nigeria has been run.

A major part of the crisis that the Nigerian nation has faced since Buhari was elected is that there are many in the country who verily believe that Buhari does not belong to them. That has been accentuated by those who by their actions and body language make it clear to you that Buhari does not belong to you but to them and them alone. These people believe that they are the 'inheritors' of the Buhari mandate and these 'inheritors' walk around with a swagger and throw their weight around like they are conquerors of the Nigerian nation who can share the bounty, the produce of their conquest, as they wish and to hell with everyone else!

At different Federal agencies, I have personally encountered this behavior. The President has allowed these 'inheritors' to mess up the Buhari brand as they have placed under pressure the institutions that ought to be the pillars of our nation and the pillars of a successful presidency.

Suddenly, the indices for measuring development in Nigeria is construction work done by citizens of the Peoples Republic of China at unknown cost to the future of the Nigerian people. Have you noticed that after our struggle to stop being a British colony, we have now with open hands quietly accepted to become a Chinese colony? The Chinese are now funding and building our railway, airports, roadways and everything else! How are we sure that they are not also funding our politics? Our capacity to do anything of value is now in question. Very soon, the Chinese will appoint our ministers.

Things are bad, very bad and it does not matter whether you are a Buhari supporter or you hate his guts. It is that bad. We all know that crazy things happen in politics but to have these things happen right in your face with so much abandon. Wow!

Please pardon me for asking, who really does Buhari belong to?

 

See you next week.

I AM SURPRISED THAT WE ARE SURPRISED

President Olusegun Obasanjo appointed Femi Fani-Kayode Minister of Culture and Tourism on June 22, 2006. Barely four months after, he was relieved of the position. He was made Minister of Aviation on November 7, 2006. This time, he served for about seven months.

Femi Fani-Kayode must be one of the shortest serving ministers in the history of Nigeria. He has however not missed any opportunity to remind everyone as loudly as he can that he has served as Minister twice.

Femi Fani-Kayode is one of those Nigerians not shy to tell everyone that they are men of substantial means. But where exactly does Mr. Fani-Kayode's big money come from – his flourishing law practice, his thriving factories or his great commercial enterprise distributing world renowned brands?

Femi Fani-Kayode is an expert on everything.  He loudly expresses his opinion on all matters whether he is invited or not. Fani-Kayode has an answer to every problem that confronts Nigeria. He expresses his opinions noisily without any care about modesty, humility, tact or basic decency.  The guy behaves like he has a right to disturb everyone.

By now, every person in Nigeria ought to know Femi Fani-Kayode which is why I am surprised by the massive dismay and outrage that appear to have gripped the country following Fani-Kayode's verbal onslaught on Eyo Charles, the Daily Trust reporter in Calabar on August 20. The journalist's "crime" was having the effrontery to ask Fani-Kayode who was "bank rolling" his 'Good Governance Tour' of different states of the country.

The follow-up questions ought to have been: who appointed Femi Fani Kayode "Minister of Good Governance"? Why are the governors spending tax-payers money and valuable time hosting this guy who at the end of the day brings no value to the table and just thrives on controversy?

A lot of people say that the Igbos have no king. Maybe not in the same sense that other people believe that a certain child of God was born and destined to rule over them. We believe in hard work and merit. We are certain that if there is fairness and a level playing field, every Igbo man will thrive. With the Igbos, you have to earn your kingship. In my part of the country, you are not born a king. You earn it.

The late Zik of Africa and Owelle of Onitsha, the great Nnamdi Azikiwe earned his kingship.  If you have gone around much of Igboland in recent years, almost everyone seriously seeking political office would not just put out any poster but one carrying the candidate's photograph together with that of the late Ikemba Nnewi, Eze Igbo, Dim Chukwuemeka Odimegwu Ojukwu. Ojukwu was an Igbo King. He earned it.

You may therefore understand my horror when it was announced about six years ago that one Femi Fani-Kayode had been appointed the campaign spokesman of our immediate past President, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan as he fought with Mohammed Buhari for the keys to Aso Rock Villa. Goodluck Jonathan was seen as the closest thing to an Igbo man getting to live in Aso Rock.

I am usually a very tolerant guy but I instantly felt like vomiting. Femi Fani-Kayode?! Is that not the same guy that gleefully went before the world to claim that he had slept with Her Excellency, Bianca Ojukwu, Nigeria's former ambassador to Spain and wife of the revered Igbo King, Eze Gburugburu, Chukwuemeka Odimegwu Ojukwu?

I was shocked. I asked myself who advised Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan to take such a decision. How come he did not understand that what this Femi guy had done was to slap the face of every self-respecting Igbo man? It was sacrilege. I found it incredulous that in the whole of Nigeria, GEJ could not find a better person than this man who goes about boasting about how he slept with another man's wife? I then publicly asked if GEJ was going to send his man to Igboland to speak on his behalf? My reactions were "Tufiakwa!", "Mbah!"

One of the biggest problems that Nigeria must confront going forward is our frightful loss of memory and the way people with complete lack of integrity and character manipulate us, posing to be that which they are not. We must look beyond the Potemkin Village erected by these men.

When President Jonathan announced Femi Fani-Kayode as his campaign spokesman, I honestly could not believe it. I was alarmed and wrote about it. The Fani-Kayode appointment represented to me poor judgment. I had asked if Femi Fani-Kayode was not the same guy who had publicly taken Goodluck Jonathan to the cleaners, trashing him with the worst possible words anyone can invent? Not long before taking Jonathan's job, Fani-Kayode, had in a speech titled "A Date with Destiny," declared that the administration of President Jonathan had "plunged the country into financial recklessness, bloodbath  and total misrule never before experienced in the country".

Which discerning Nigerian would believe anything good that Fani-Kayode would have to say about Jonathan afterwards? How was he going to sell a product he had so badly trashed? My conclusion was that Fani-Kayode just saw an opportunity to chop and grabbed it with both arms.

Recall the immortal words President Obasanjo once uttered about Femi-Fani-Kayode: "if you want him to sing for you, just hand him food"!

Are the South-South Governors looking for a singer? They must remember what happened to the South-South former President of Nigeria whom Fani-Kayode sang for. I have little doubt that Femi Fani-Kayode was one of the key reasons Jonathan lost the election. Rather than sell his principal, he was busy quarreling with everyone and creating controversy everywhere.

That is why I am surprised that Nigerians are surprised about Fani-Kayode's recent public outburst. Why is everyone outraged on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp, etc.? Why?

See you next week.

HOW IN HELL DID I START WRITING SATURDAY BREAKFAST?

I once wrote a small column for the Punch. An irrepressible guy called Azuka Jebose Molokwu talked me into it. I was a lot younger with a lot of fire in the belly. Despite the mad tussle with deadlines at a time when there was no email and you had to physically take your stuff in hard copy to the newspaper, it was fun. I had to struggle with the once in a while writers' block but it still was fun.

I had very strong opinions and could not wait for people to hear them. Of course, when you are young, you think that you are the only one who has an opinion. As you get older however, you begin to realize how stupid you have been. Everybody has an opinion and everybody thinks that his opinion counts.

A young American called Mark Elliot Zuckerberg found out how much everybody wants to express his opinion. As a result, Zuckerberg has become a billionaire several times over and everywhere he goes, he is treated like the President of the world. On Zuckerberg's Facebook, everybody is expressing his opinion to everybody whether they want to hear or not. Dirty linens are being washed with the whole world watching and the stinking water splashed around with complete abandon. Girls are stalking guys on Facebook and guys are enjoying being stalked. You can't be on Facebook and not say something. It is like a huge Oyingbo market. So, everybody is talking, everybody is lying and everybody is posing. In the new world of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and WhatsApp, everybody is a publisher, everybody is an editor and everybody is a columnist and fake news is everywhere and bad grammar too.

Several times in the last couple of years, I have been asked to write a column for a newspaper. Several times I said no. Why? As I have grown older, I have taken more to heart the Igbo saying that a palm wine tapper does not reveal everything he sees from the top of the palm wine tree. Just imagine what would happen in the hamlet if the local palm wine tapper had to describe the luscious naked women who thought they were bathing safely away from prying eyes or the illicit love affairs where the lovers thought they were in a world of their own and that apart from the skies, their secrets were all theirs or the big tubers of yam thought to be secure from all and sundry in the rich man's ban. Like the local palm wine tapper, I have seen quite a lot and I thought it better for me to stay away from the babble.

The other matter is: Is anyone really interested in what I have to say? Will what I write make any difference? Is anyone going to read what I write when all the kids are busy pinging and chatting away on their smartphones or playing computer games and their fathers and mothers are busy plotting how to steal all the money that belongs to their country? How do I write a column when every jerk that has attached 'PMAN President' to his name is busy telling everybody that I am a fraud and the people at the Copyright Commission which I laboured to set up can't wait to put me in jail for any reason they can fabricate? How exactly to I concentrate and write a column when from morning to night, from Kano to Calabar, Nigerian artistes with all kinds of names are calling me for royalties earned and unearned?

Pray, how do I write a column when Bernice Eriemeghe and her staff at COSON warn me constantly that I need a break but let me not show up for one or two days, they will be calling my phone off the hook? How do I write a column with the endless meetings with lawyers, back-to-back court sessions with countless adjournments and the impossible Nigerian music copyright user who manufactures every excuse under the sun to avoid paying small royalties for the music that sustains his operation?

As if I have not stressed my marriage enough - how do I tell madam that with my eyes open, I have added to the wahala she has to tolerate – night after cold nights when at 2 am, 3 am and 4 am, the whole world is sleeping 'coole' and she tiptoes into the study to find me hunched over, hammering at the keyboard of my long suffering lap top? 

I still do not understand how I was trapped into writing Saturday Breakfast and how I have done it every week for many-many years.

You know, I used to read Rueben Abati like mad. Outside of Ray Ekpu and my 'paddy', Sonala Olumhense, I thought Rueben Abati at the Guardian was the real deal. He had style. Till today I cannot figure out how Rueben could give up the best job in the world. For what?! Seriously, how much did GEJ pay Rueben to write those drab government press releases? It takes a peculiar kind of talent to be a good government propagandist and I do not think that Rueben has that kind of talent. Seriously, there has to be something in the constitution that makes it a capital offence to take a great guy like Ruben Abati and make him the writer of government press releases and to go ahead and turn him into a Buruji politician!

That was the same way I felt when someone whisked Funke Egbemode to Abuja to go and chop with Patricia Etteh. When Mrs Etteh got removed as Speaker of the House of Representatives, I shouted with joy, not because I had any issue with the woman or that I thought that the person who would replace her would do a better job. I celebrated because I knew that Funke would come back to Lagos and write her columns without which my weekend was incomplete. And come back, she did. Now, they have grabbed my guy, Femi Adesina too!

You see the trouble with writing a column – You can see how I am poking my nose into other people's business as if I do not have enough trouble. Now, you can even go to jail in Nigeria for almost nothing. All it takes is for somebody who wants to snatch your babe to decide that what you have written is 'hate speech'!

See me wahala!

See you next week!

I NEVER ASKED JOHN ASEIN TO STEAL GOVERNMENT MONEY!

Mr. John Asein, Director-General of the Nigerian Copyright Commission (NCC) is making news everywhere. His name is on several news sites and internet blogs. Check Sahara Reporters, Economic Confidential, thenigerialawyer.com and many more platforms  

Unfortunately, John Asein is not making news because of any big pirate he has caught and sent to jail or because of any increased income earned by Nigerian musicians, film makers, authors, publishers, software producers, etc. or as a result of any growth in the nation's GDP as a result of his spectacular efforts or as a result of his great performance in office.

No! No! No! Mr. Asein is in the news because of widespread allegations against him of corruption, conflict of interest and abuse of power.

And like a typical Nigerian government official, John Asein is dancing kpangolo with the truth. Instead of confronting the allegations against him headlong, he is docking, dodging and deflecting, hoping that somehow, he can "off the mic" on the scandal around him. Asein is doing the rope-a-dope but he is no Mohammed Ali. He is trying to distract those investigating him by shifting the focus in different directions. The man is a lawyer and used to teach law and his English grammar is not bad at all. He obviously believes that he is very smart and can talk himself out of the corner his alleged misbehaviour has pinned him. Someone should tell him that he is no Mohammed Ali and that even the great Mohammed Ali landed on the canvass several times.

I would not have bothered anymore about John Asein and his myriad of headaches because I verily believe in the immortal words of Dr. Martin Luther King, "the arc of the moral universe is long but it tends toward justice" Unfortunately, Asein continues to drop my name everywhere as his traducer as if I was the one who asked him to do the things for which he is being investigated.

No matter how much he tries, I do not see how John Asein can escape answering the questions which the authorities are presently asking him, like: Did he continue to collect salaries from the Federal Government of Nigeria several months into 2016 after retiring from service as staff of the NCC on December 31, 2015? If he did, it is bare faced stealing, a criminal offence for which he ought to go to jail. If he did not, let him say so clearly because there is solid evidence to the contrary. I wish to state emphatically that at no time did I ask John Asein to steal government money or to do any of the things for which he is being investigated. Therefore, I cannot be his excuse or shield for what he has done or may not have done.

Another question is this: After being appointed DG of the NCC, did John Asein continue to act on behalf of REPRONIG, a collective management organization for Nigerian authors and publishers licensed and regulated by the NCC? Has he acted as sole signatory to any of the REPRONIG bank accounts long after assuming office as NCC DG? Has he as NCC DG signed REPRONIG funds in dollars to himself? If he did, it is a bewildering scandal and a terrible example of conflict of interest and fraud with extensive consequences which might lead to jail time. It is my humble opinion that Mr. Asein's recently minted and very weak defence as published by "Economic Confidential" that Asein resigned from  REPRONIG and that the REPRONIG Chairman, Prof Olu Obafemi 'appealed' to him to continue to render 'free service' to REPRONIG,  is hogwash. I have seen copies of the 'oluwole' letters John Asein has suddenly generated as his alibi and I wonder whose counsel he sought to engage in this kind of cheap creativity.   

Asein came to see me in my Reiz Continental Abuja hotel room on January 30, 2020 and asked for my help to cover up the scandal that was emerging around him. At no time, did he mention this newly concocted defence. Please, under what law does Prof Obafemi have the authority to request a very senior full time official of the Federal Government of Nigeria, appointed by the President, to continue to be the CEO of a private sector organization and to sign cheques of that private sector organization to himself?

This is like saying that Godwin Emiefele, the Governor of the Central Bank of Nigeria who used to be CEO of Zenith Bank received the mandate of Jim Ovia, Chairman of Zenith Bank, to continue to work for Zenith Bank which the Central Bank regulates, upon Mr. Emiefele's appointment as CBN Governor and to sign Zenith Bank cheques to himself! Haba!

Which serious person believes Mr. Asein's new line of defence as published in "Economic Confidential" that "high profile pirates" have resolved to mobilize resources to remove him from office? Typical Nigerian. Very laughable. Was is it the "high profile pirates" that asked Mr. Asein to continue to sign to himself cheques of REPRONIG, a private sector organization which he regulates on behalf of the Nigerian government?  

Mr. Asein still has a lot of questions to answer on the controversial NCC/AFD/PUNUKA/KPMG deal on the so-called Diagnostic Study of Collective Management System in Nigeria which questions have been asked repeatedly with no answer. He still needs to answer questions on his directorship of a company called Books & Gavel Ltd. He still needs to answer questions on whether he has contravened the Code of Conduct for Public Officers.

Let me repeat that I am not responsible for John Asein's travails. I never asked John Asein to steal government money. Somebody who knows Asein should please tell him that he is not above the law and that the questions before him will not go away no matter how much he deflects or twists. As Martin Luther King said, "the arc of the moral universe is long but it tends toward justice". Like every other public officer, Asein must be accountable and answer his questions and he should mark my words that when push comes to shove, his present praise singers and advisers will abandon him. That's the way life goes.

I repeat that I never asked John Asein to steal government money!

See you next week.

WILL AMERICANS DO IT AGAIN?

This time four years ago, very few people gave Donald J. Trump a beggar's chance of getting anywhere near the White House. The pundits said that he was a joke. The media wrote him off. The polls said he was dreaming. No one who worked hard to make his money would have bet a cent in any of Trump's failed casinos across America that Donald Trump would become the 45^th President of the United States of America.

In November 2016, what looked like a joke became reality! Donald J. Trump was announced President-elect of the United States of America, the most powerful office in the world. Surprise! Surprise! The American people, deploying their fairy-tale electoral college system told the world that they had elected as their president the trash talking egomaniac who spews obscenities as much as he openly sprouts divisions and cultural wars. The distinguished former United States First Lady, former New York Senator and former U.S. Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton received about three million more votes from the American people but come and see 'America wonder', a guy who was that badly worsted at the polls, a guy who has run his companies four times into bankruptcy and has been married to three different women was announced winner of the election.

Imagine if that had happened in an African country, Donald Trump would have immediately picked up his smart phone and fired off a tweet to deride the country as a 'shit hole country' with no respect for the core tenet of democracy which is one man one vote.

On January 20, 2017, Donald Trump moved into the Whitehouse with his third wife, a Slovenian born ex-model who speaks the English language with a very unamerican accent and whose stack naked photographs have been splashed everywhere on the Internet for everyone to gape at what should be the most private part of her anatomy.

With the problems in Nigeria, you may wonder why this columnist writes so much about America. I have always been fascinated by America. For much of my lifetime, America has been seen as the moral compass of the world promoting democracy, human rights and fighting autocratic regimes, evil, hunger and disease across the world. We all looked up to America to show us the way. America used to be seen as the leader of the free world and much of the world went were America went.

I knew that some Americans can be "one kind" but I never thought there were such many crazy people in America who would see in Trump the leader of the land of the free. The amazing thing is that those who have propelled Donald Trump's journey to the Whitehouse are the bible quoting Christian conservatives. How can this group consider this man whose behaviour is so unchristian to be one of them and accept him as promoting their values… this self-conceited man whose own niece, Mary Trump with a Doctorate in Psychology, refers to as the most dangerous man in the world?  

Donald Trump shows you the power of Reality TV and the smart phone. In the world of Reality TV, there is no bad news. Bad news is good news. Donald Trump, the star of NBC's Reality TV show, "the Apprentice" understands that in the crazy Reality TV world, all you need is to be in the news. And so, the Donald swears, curses, and wagers his fingers at everyone and if you are not discerning, you are captivated. He is in the news all the time and white uneducated Americans clap and cheer. They may think they are watching Reality TV. What they may not understand is that this weird fella has changed the world in such ways that it will be hard reality for their children and grandchildren. Donald Trump has not made America great again. Indeed, America no longer leads the world.

On November 3, Americans will go the polls again. I hope that the coronavirus conundrum in which America finds itself has revealed the limitations of Donald J. Trump's "America First" swagger and shown that it is all talk and bluster. His soft under belly and lack of a long-term strategy have become clear. With over 160,000 American lives lost, this cannot be a reality show.

Before now, the USA would have led the world in finding a way to wipe out COVID 19. America has the brain power and resources. To the amazement of most people, a confused America has remained the epicenter of the virus with no end in sight. The disunity in the population created by Mr. Trump's hyper culture wars and take-no-prisoner partisan divisions have robbed America of the aggregation of enduring energy and trust required by any nation to do historic things and so COVID 19 continues to ravage the USA. At a time that Americans should be fighting the coronavirus, Americans are fighting themselves.

In less than three months, the American people will go to the polls again. Most of the pundits appear to think that former Vice President, Joe Biden will win and the world will no longer have to endure Donald Trump on our TV screens every day. The polls, especially in the battleground states, appear to support that view. But in 2016, almost all the polls said that Hilary Clinton would succeed Barack Obama.

Is this year different? Have Americans learnt any lesson? Have the Democrats learnt how to take on this man who has no sense of shame and can say anything and do anything to win? Can the world handle four more years of the trash talking egomaniac tendencies, the hyper culture wars and take-no-prisoner partisan divisions that Donald Trump spreads everywhere which is hurting America and hurting the world? Will Americans shock the world again?

See you next week.  

TODAY, MY BABY SAYS, “I DO” WITHOUT ME!

See how this Coronavirus or Covid 19 has just messed up a year we ushered in with a lot of hope and promise!

I still do not believe that it is actually happening but see what the world has become. When the 1^st of August 2020 was fixed for the wedding of my youngest daughter, Stephanie Chinenye Okoroji to her sweetheart, Samuel Egiafameh in Glenn Dale, a suburb of Maryland, USA, it was meant to be a day like no other. I was practically counting the days, the hours and the minutes.

Madam, the fashionista that she is, raided Balogun market in Lagos to get the best fabrics on show to create for me some eye splitting agbada for the occasion. Ordinarily, I am not an agbada person but the 1^st of August 2020 was scheduled to be a day like no other, a day to dress to finish and I was ready.

As the coronavirus reared its ugly head earlier in the year, we all thought that after a few weeks or at the worst a couple of months, the madness would go away. After all, did Ebola not go away? Did SARS not go away?

Who would have thought that instead of the virus going away, the year 2020 would be washed away? For many months, the Premiership, the NBA, the NFL, the MLS disappeared. Even the Olympic Games, the world's greatest spectacle with billions of dollars invested, was scrapped. Yes, they have recently tried to concoct what looks like the EPL and the NFL to come back. The truth is that I have not been watching. What kind of Premiership is it with no yelling fans in the stadium? It is like tea without sugar, tasteless!

I was so sure that before the 1^st of August, I would find a way to get to America and walk my baby down the aisle in my flowing agbada and do that which every father is proud to do. Those familiar with this column may recall that when Stephanie graduated from the University of Maryland, two years ago, I flew round the world to arrive at her graduation event as it was taking place. She had no idea that I was in the auditorium watching the proceedings until the event ended. When she saw me, it was with disbelief that she screamed, "Daddy!" Oh my God, I was happy.

Who would have thought that the ever busy Murtala Muhammed International Airport in Lagos could be shut down month after month and all the airplanes that fly people from country to country, morning, afternoon and night, would be parked? Who would have believed that those with American passports, the most respected passport in the world, would be banned from entering Europe? How come none of the big prophets and seers that harass all of us on TV saw that the world would be turned upside down in 2020?

I have struggled to make sense out of what is happening. I am stuck in Lagos while my baby girl is taking one of the biggest steps in her life today. I may be lucky to see the event streamed on some video monitor. I have asked my brother Iyke, who lives in Baltimore, to stand in for me.

I guess this is one of those times when you just take whatever life serves you. Please join me in whishing Stephanie and Sam happy wedlock today in Maryland.

See you next week.