ALL OVER AMERICA!

Things are bad in Nigeria; very-very bad. But let's face it: our problem with darkness did not start with the Buhari regime. For many years, we have shouted 'NEPA!' in celebration of the odd one hour of light after many hours of darkness. Nigerians have had to wrestle with the pandemic of corruption for as long as I can remember. The difference is that in the past, we had hope that things would get better. These days, we have no hope. We trust nobody and believe in nobody.

Buahri may be the last Nigerian leader to gain the people's trust. Those who trusted in him are dazed. I don't think that any serious Nigerian would say that Nigeria has become better, more efficient or less corrupt as a result of Buhari's much promoted intolerance for inefficiency or his War Against Corruption. With instability, blood, death and tears everywhere?

Without doubt, we have had too many incompetent people in too many positions in our country for too long. We even fought a fratricidal war which left thousands of our children with horrific kwashiorkor and hundreds of thousands of our brothers dead. We have had military coups on top of military coups and military rule of all colorations. Now, civilians have taking over the coup plotting.

While the Chinese were working on 4G and 5G, Nigerians invented 419 and we have lived through it. Despite all of these, Nigerians always had a kind of swagger. We looked at anyone from anywhere boldly in the eyes and dared whoever that person is to take us on. If you pushed a Nigerian, he pushed you back. We had little doubt that we were a special breed made to face whatever challenges life threw at us. We went into the football field to battle everyone tackle for tackle. Our Eagles were not just Green, they were Super!

Have you noticed that these days your folks in Europe and America know more about what is happening in your village than you in Lagos or Abuja? It is from Europe or America that you get the midnight phone call informing you that a certain old relation of yours in the village has gone to rest with his ancestors.  With the cell phone revolution and the almighty WhatsApp, it now appears a lot easier and cheaper for folks in my village to call New York or Houston than to call me in Lagos. If the truth must be told, there is a reason why it makes more sense to first call the people 'overseas' than the strugglers in Lagos. That reason is spelt DOLLAR. Tell me, how many dollars or euros can you send home from Lagos? So, the calls go to where the money is. Who wants your dirty Naira that cannot buy anything? Just reminds me of the Toyota Camry brand Nigerians call "Big for Nothing"!

Just watch those who come out of the bank after a WESTERN UNION transaction. They are usually taller than they were when they walked in. The American dollar is exhilarating. It intoxicates like a combination of whiskey, brandy, rum and ogogoro. With some of those crisp green notes in your back pocket, you can almost invite the devil to a fight.  Maybe that is why after the recent horror of Afghanistan, Americans are itching to go and fight the devil elsewhere in Ukraine.

Recently, circumstances made me visit my Nigerian friends living in several cities in the United States. Everywhere, I found entire Nigerian families – children, father, mother, uncle, auntie, grandfather and grandmother. They have all run away from Nigeria.  In some places, it looks like the whole clan has migrated and if they can get visas for their dogs and goats and cats, they would ship them out too. 

Almost every Nigerian I met has lost that Nigerian swagger. It does not matter whether they have the green card or the American passport, they don't talk with the usual Nigerian bravado anymore. They talk like citizens of a failed state. They whisper. They are scared. Most of them left their villages in search of the golden fleece. Their intent was to go back home at the end of the day to where they are not mere statistics but proper citizens. Now, it is beginning to dawn on them that they are never going anywhere and may never be more than mere statistics for the rest of their lives.

Some of them from my part of the country who have built exquisite mansions at home have abandoned their mansions to cobwebs, rats, cockroaches and lizards. They know that some eagle-eyed kidnapper is permanently scanning their homes to see when the lights would be turned on. If for any reason they must return home, they must first make a sizeable budget for a small army of security men and keep several millions in a holding account as ransom for the day the kidnapper strikes. You know that the greatest success of all used to be to go home to celebrate your success. Not anymore.

All over WhatsApp, notifications of "unknown gunmen" raiding police stations and killing policemen on duty at roadblocks, with gory photos that tear at your soul, have become part of your daily consumption. Tell me, if the Police station in your hometown is not safe, where then is safe?

In every city I have travelled to in the US, almost every Nigerian I met wanted to talk to me. In fact, I was treated like someone from the war front. The words they use to describe Nigeria are shocking: 'nightmare', 'wasted', 'disgraceful', 'tragic', 'hopeless', etc. They seem to be taken aback that I plan to go back to Nigeria after a few weeks. Truly, some look at me as if something has gone wrong with me and I have signed a contract with suicide. "You mean you escaped that horror and you want to go back?!", I am asked over and over again.

The frightening thing is that most of my best friends of the 1980s and 1990s now live in America. Among them are some really brilliant folks that the Nigerian nation would need to remake itself. Unfortunately, nothing is happening at home that suggests to them that home wants them or that the land of their new struggle has not become their home.

There was the period just before the 'Ghana must go' episode when our brothers from the Republic of Ghana used to walk with their heads bowed because their leaders had turned their great nation into a place where no decent person could have a decent life. Many of them ran to Nigeria to do menial jobs. To all intents and purposes, the average Ghanaian man lost his manhood. That appears to be history.

Nigerians are today walking around with their heads bowed. Our leaders have turned our great nation into a place without hope. What is this that is happening to the Giant of Africa and its people known for our hitherto unstoppable self-belief? I have always been a great believer in the destiny of our nation. I am however bewildered by what I see. Has our iniquity caught up with us?

See you next week!