THE OPEN LETTER I WROTE TO GMB FOUR YEARS AGO (POSTED IN 2015)

As you go the polls today for the presidential election, please read below the Open Letter I wrote to then General Muhammadu Buhari just before the 2015 presidential election.

My Dear General,

We have never met sir. I am just an ordinary Nigerian citizen desperate for my country to do well. As I think of the enormous potentials that Nigeria has, I am bemused as to why we own the world record in getting simple things done wrong.

My General, I am a kind of Jonnie Walker. I like to visit other lands and watch other people do their thing. Problem is - wherever I go, after a few days, I am home sick. That is how much Nigeria means to me. I probably cannot live anywhere else.

I have visited places with little rain, no minerals and no oil. When I say no oil, I mean no crude oil, no palm oil, not even groundnut oil! I have seen many places without anything near the human and material resources that Nigeria possesses. I have wondered why it is that whenever people in these places turn on the switch, there is light; whenever they turn on their tap, there is water; when they graduate from school, they have a job; when they are sick, there is some health care system that gives them a fighting chance to live. More than anything else sir, in those places, when they say you are a citizen, you can beat your chest and say, 'I am a citizen'. Let anyone from anywhere drink 'kaikai' and try to mess with you, a citizen, the country will show that person pepper.

Oga General, I have watched you on TV as you have crisscrossed practically all of Nigeria's states in a race for the coveted prize. Guy, what drug are you on? Where does a 72 years old man get the energy to do that which many cannot do? Forgive me sir but who is your tailor? The guy is crazy. He has shown everybody how to execute the real transformation agenda. Just see how he transformed a Fulani man into an Ijaw man when you arrived Bayelsa; to a Calabar prince when you hit Cross River and a bonafide Nze in Abia state. My Oga, if you win this thing, believe me, your tailor deserves a ministerial position.

I have watched in horror as life has continued in Nigeria as if the nonstop extermination of the lives of our countrymen is just part of a carnival.  Apart from token statements from here and there, I see no sign that our nation truly comprehends the magnitude of the evil that has befallen us. Please General, has the life of the Nigerian become so valueless? What really is our citizenship worth?

To be honest with you, I was very disappointed that on learning about the recent tragedy in Borno, neither you nor your opponent showed good example by cancelling this race from state to state at least for one day to show the Nigerian people that our lives matter. At the end of the day sir, of what value is good governance to a dead man?

Last week I wrote a letter like this to Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, the man whose job you are determined to snatch in the coming election. When that letter was published, many of my friends expressed the fear that I might get a midnight knock on the door from any of the trigger-happy security men who rather than take on Boko Haram use their weapons to threaten innocent citizens.

I am happy to inform you that nobody has harassed me in any way. It makes me wonder whether I would have been so lucky if I wrote such a letter to you in 1984 when you were Head of State. Would I not have been bundled away by your boys and slammed into jail under Decree 4 or any of its brother Decrees?

I read the very charitable statement recently credited to my good friend, Tunde Thompson who during your tenure was thrown into jail under Decree 4 for being a good journalist. I vehemently disagree with Mr. Thompson whom I otherwise respect. His attempt to lay the blame for his ordeal on someone else does not wash with me. General sir, you were Head of State. The buck stopped with you.  Could you not have asked your Attorney-General to stop the prosecution of Tunde Thompson and Nduka Irabor if you understood that injustice was about to be done to these Nigerian citizens?

I am sure you know that there are millions of Nigerians who swear by your name. They believe that you have the magic wand to turn Nigeria around. It does not matter to them whether you show a big certificate or not. Many of these citizens believe that the efforts to brand you a religious fundamentalist is hogwash – an attempt to give a dog a bad name to hang it. But there are those who insist that last time, you used Pastor Tunde Bakare and now you are using Pastor Yemi Osinbajo as your human shield against Christian arrows. They say that it is all smoke and mirrors so that the more we look, the less we see.

Do you really have a magic wand? Does it not bother you that Nigerians have become so desperate that millions of them are ready to throw away a Phd holder in his prime with six years cognate experience as a civilian president and risk this complex nation in the hands of a 72 years old military man?

General, how healthy are you to wrestle with Nigeria's many wahala? I am certain that you recall what happened not long ago when this nation became like sheep without shepherd due to the ill health of your late Katsina kinsman, President Yar' Adua.

I have heard you talk about dealing with 'terrorism'. I have not heard you say how you will take out Boko Haram. I have heard you talk about fighting corruption. There are those who say that you are not serious. They claim that your Jumbo travel across Nigeria is funded by corruption.

General sir, everybody knows that without the efforts and money of Bola Ahmed Tinubu, there would be no APC. The sophisticated campaign machinery that has been deployed at your service is paid for somehow. Forgive this satanic question: If you get into office and find out that the source of the money that Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu has used to build APC is questionable, will you have the courage to ask your AG to swiftly prosecute him? And how do you deal with the fact that you have profited greatly from the alleged thievery?

Dear General, oil price has dived konko below and the naira is dancing kukere. Where exactly are you going to get the money to fulfill your many promises? How do we provide jobs for the millions of our citizens roaming the streets? I have many more questions to ask but I know that you can't wait to change into a new tribal outfit and hit a new state.   

Very soon someone will tell you that this Tony Okoroji is a political hatchet man hired by the PDP. Please tell the person that he is drunk. Believe me sir, there are many like me who cannot stand the status quo but who look at the alternative with suspicion. That is why I ask many questions. You know as I do that this is 'last card'. Sir, you have a few weeks to show us that we can trust you with the destiny of our children. We are desperate sir. Convince us my General and on the D day, it won't just be 'last card'. When the votes are counted, you can heave a sigh of relief and finally say: 'Jonah, how market? Check up!' 

See you next week.  

WELCOME TO LAGOS!

 WELCOME TO LAGOS!

The Muhammadu Buhari campaign train will roll into Lagos today. If you have anything to do around Teslim Balogun Stadium today, please forget it. The place will be taken over by a mammoth crowd that has come to partake in Nigeria's currently most booming business, election campaigns.

If you are a printer and you cannot make money now, guy, when are you going to make it? If you are in the business of supplying public address systems and you are not laughing to the bank these days, better go to your village and ask questions. If you make a living from renting a crowd, business has to be very good.

In every state, there is a huge crowd that has come to see the politicians make promises and promises. "My crowd is bigger than yours" is the new game in town.

Ask me and I will tell you that the crowds do not represent a love for the politicians. They represent the deep level of unemployment in the land. Truly employed people do not leave their jobs to go to political rallies.

I guarantee you that Western Avenue and Alhaji Masha streets in Surulere will be no go areas today. Poor LASTMA guys! There clearly will be a crowd like no other. After all, Lagos is the home of the Jagaban, the politician who can fix anything fixable.

There will be a lot of speeches. Trust Adams Oshiomhole to dance. And everyone will hold his breath when it is time for the President to speak. Will he finish without a big gaff?

In 2015, Nigerians were sold a mystical candidate in Muhammadu Buhari. The Nigerian intelligentsia bought Buhari, hook, line and sinker, adopted him and campaigned for him. We wanted change. I know a lot of my friends who were ready to go to war because of our faith in PMB. There are those who have blamed me for what they consider the PMB misadventure. Not even PMB's most passionate supporter will tell you that now and again, he has not been left bemused by what our President has said or done. With Buhari, I may have made a mistake but it was a mistake of the heart made by millions of other Nigerians. Simply put, Buhari has let us down. I hope that PMB will one day write a book and tell us how we got it so wrong and the falcon stopped hearing the falconer.

Despite the large crowd at today's mega rally, I wonder if the Buhari camp does not understand that the ground has shifted significantly. Nothing can be taken for granted anymore. Any close watcher of Nigerian politics will tell you that Buhari no longer has the north in his pocket the way he used to. That almost fanatical followership is gone. Tinubu may also no longer control Lagos the way he used to.

Please forget the drama in Ohaneze, the Obiano mishap or the IPOB boycott demand. If Buhari makes any significant inroads into Igbo land this year, that will be bigger than the miracle of Daman. How will that happen? After the Python Dance?

Do they get it? Is that why they are campaigning fiercely even into injury time. A campaign rally is a communication event. Unfortunately, in a world driven by communications, our President simply does not communicate. In fact, he appears to be disconnected much of the time.

I am so sorry, the Buhari mystic we bought in 2015 is gone and gone with it is the Nigerian intelligentsia that fought for Buhari everywhere. That is why stupid stories like Jubril, the Sudanese man in Aso Rock and the certificate matter can gain the kind of traction they have gained. The adversaries of our president want to turn him into a joke. You think it does not matter?

I have wondered who has the ears of the President. Does he know the extent of the damage? Does he know the injury and trauma that the rearing of cattle in Nigeria has caused? At the times when he has been accused of nepotism in his appointments, did he understand the sensibilities? He seems to have just doubled down, making it difficult for those who used to defend him to even bother. I understand. Good political players don't come to their bosses with bad news. They tell their Oga that everything is wonderful.

As I travel and talk to people around the country, I cannot but feel that our President is gasping for goodwill. There is angst in the land. His situation has been seriously exacerbated by the endless in fighting within the APC. How does the APC win when they have no real grassroot campaign structure in several states because of the brouhaha that has followed the party primaries? Am I the only one who sometimes wonders who is in charge at APC? Is it Buhari? Tinubu? Oshiomhole? Amaechi or the motley of paper tigers that the President appears to surround himself with? The madness in Port Harcourt, Owerri, Abeokuta, Taraba and almost everywhere else cannot make things easier. How are they going to do it?

In the last days of the Jonathan government, I felt very sorry for the guy who is probably the most likeable President we have ever had. He was trying very hard to conquer the mighty Nigerian nation when the birds had already flown away. The people he trusted had let him down. They did not tell him the truth. Suddenly, GEJ was everywhere at once with bags of money trying to woo Afenifere, OPC, MASSOB, Ijaw Boys, Nollywood and everyone else. It was too late. Bags of money just could not buy Jonathan love.

Are we seeing a repeat performance of the same movie with a different cast? Does the last-minute attempt to drive a wedge in Afenifere, Ohaneze, SDP and co say anything to you? Is it a sign of confidence or desperation? It is only seven days. We will soon know.

See you next week

 

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON & GHANA MUST GO!

IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON & GHANA MUST GO!

Have you ever asked yourself why our children do very badly in maths?  Please just talk to the average young man or woman going to school in these parts. Ask him which subject gives him or her the biggest challenge and before the question is out of your mouth, the answer is thrown at you – 'Mathematics!' Most of them are scared stiff of the stuff. Some believe that Maths is magic and only the likes of Professor Peller, the master magician, can understand how 'a plus b' can be equal to c.

You might want to blame the kids. Don't blame them. Their parents before them and maybe their grandparents grew up in an environment where everything is conjecture and the only thing that is true is what the juju man or witch doctor says. Regardless of how educated, travelled or exposed we are, we are still deep inside, villagers trapped in the fables of juju men and witch doctors - the babalawos who intercede to the Gods on our behalf. We might be very religious or even call ourselves 'men of God' but the prism through which we see God is still that of the juju man, witch doctor or 'jazz'.      

Why are we so backward? In the world of mathematics, quantum physics and empiricism, we still consult cranky old men with chalk marks on their faces to toss around cowries in the air and tell us what the future holds for us. We fear to face the fact that much of our future is not dangling in the air like cowries but is dependent on what we do or fail to do. We do not want to deal with facts because that means taking responsibility so we embrace conjecture and blame the devil or even God for our endless disasters.

Our mathematics problem is at the core of our many difficulties. Mathematics means facts. It means transparency, accountability, order, planning and the taking of responsibilities. In mathematics, two plus two will always be four. It can never be five or three and half. If we were to take mathematics seriously, how do we explain much of our contradictions? For instance, how does a level 8 officer in the employ of the government explain to his son how he owns an estate which his salary and all his allowances put together cannot contemplate even if he worked for one thousand years? On the other hand, with all the waste going on, how does the government justify paying a man in its employ with a wife and four children the handsome salary of eighteen thousand naira a month and expect him to pay for food, housing, transportation, NEPA, clothes, school fees, medicine and all the many expectations of the extended family? What magic will the man do to make ends meet?

If the son of the level 8 officer were to ask his father: 'Daddy, how did you make this much money and own so many houses?' Do you think that the father would answer: 'as a cashier in the government service, I stole the money placed under my care to provide service to the community'?  Ninety nine times out of a hundred, the answer would be something like: 'It is God's blessings'. Which God? The answer avoids the simple additions and multiplication that mathematics demands. By what do you multiply his sixty thousand naira a month salary to obtain the five hundred million naira that he calls his own?

Let's face it: we hide behind the name of God to do so much that is evil. Our politician who in four short years becomes richer than the state he promised to develop, at the end of the day goes to church for thanksgiving. What is he thanking God for?  In his mind, by doing thanksgiving, he is bribing God to look the other way as he wallows in his thievery.

We have created a god in our image who is illiterate and does not understand mathematics. This creation of ours is based on our babalawo mentality, the belief that God is a wizard, everything is abracadabra and facts and mathematics do not matter. It is the babalawo mentality that pushes some of us to take the life of a fellow human being, lock up his corpse in a cupboard and expect that if we chant some magic words, the corpse will be printing money every day for us in every currency. It is the babalawo mentality that makes us believe that once a 'man of God' has prayed for us, we do not need to plan or work hard any more, we simply go home and there will be money everywhere. The 'man of God' is our later day babalawo, the middle man between us and the gods. The major difference is that our new babalawos are not cranky old men with chalk marks on their faces. They do not toss around cowries in the air either. They are dashing young men who speak Queens English, drive Rolls Royce cars, own private jets, quote the Bible mostly off context and live like movie stars. When they pray for you, your 'amen' had better come with a 'Ghana must go' bag or the gods will not be impressed.

In my travels around the continent, I have been asked endless questions about our wonder pastors. Apart from oil, Nigeria is now exporting a lot of music around the world. Nigeria is also exporting a lot of movies everywhere. Unknown to many, in the last decade, Nigeria has become a major exporter of our special brand of Christianity.

I was in Ghana recently and everywhere I looked, there was a Winners Chapel branch, a branch of Christ Embassy, KICC, Redeemed, Christ Chapel, etc. Our pastors with their Rolls Royce cars, private jets and movie star life style are truly representing.

In the name of the father, the son and Ghana must go, the armed robber goes before the pastor and asks God to protect him from police bullets as he sets out to shoot and kill innocent people who have done nothing to him.

In the name of the father, the son and Ghana must go, the politician goes to church, in his flowing agbada, kneels down in the front row and gives a small part of his loot to the pastor and goes home satisfied that all is well, after all God is now a beneficiary of his fast fingers.

You know that my country is engaged in a serious war against corruption. All over Nigeria today, there are thousands of billboards and millions of posters defacing our streets. They belong to politicians looking for votes. In every state, politicians are staging mega rallies filled with tens of thousands of people bussed in. The infrastructure will make any event planner grey with envy.  Every good billboard costs millions to erect. Good posters cost millions to print. Every mega rally costs many-many millions to organize. I wonder how a people fighting corruption can justify the dizzying billions pumped into the campaigns. By Jove, where is all this money coming from? Which calculator can calculate all the money? How many Ghana – must- Go bags can contain all this money? And we are fighting corruption?

See you next week.